5 Ways to Avoid Regret

When faced with uncomfortable or annoying situations it is easy to lose sight of the big picture and the objectives you are striving for in your professional or personal life.

In the heat of the moment, when you are still feeling that all too familiar sting of words or actions (or lack of action) it’s easy to:

• Jump to conclusions
• Prejudge a situation before listening to all sides
• Take something that was meant for constructive criticism too personal
• Speak before you have all the facts

The list goes on...

Martha Finney lists 5 Ways to Avoid Regret when faced with challenging, in-your-face circumstances:

1. Give yourself time to react.
   Unless the situation has something to do with a building on fire, you’re likely to be able to wait 24-48 hours before making a considered pronouncement on the matter being shoved into your face. Their emergency doesn’t have to be your emergency, unless you allow it.
2. Know the difference between the facts and your interpretation of what’s behind the behavior.
   You need to be insightful around human behavior and motivation. But that doesn’t make you a mind reader. Personally, I cherish the belief that I can see into other people’s souls. So when people don’t say “thank you” or “I’m sorry” or “you’re the most wonderful person in the world,” I haul out my favorite kit bag of all-purpose judgments. I have to stop and remind myself that my own knee-jerk reactions can be relied on for only one thing: To be wrong.
3. Make someone else’s problem…someone else’s problem.
   You can provide an ear, but you don’t always have to provide the solution.
4. Know what your boundaries are and expect everyone to respect them—including yourself.
   You’ve heard that expression, “We teach people how to treat us.” Of course, but how? By setting boundaries, by being clear on expected behaviors and standard of performance and interaction, by politely and calmly enforcing your expectations. Why is this relevant here? When you’re confident you have the power to honor yourself and your own needs in the little ways that the people in your workday try to chisel away at your boundaries, you know you can afford to stay powerfully calm when facing down big-stakes issues. Those little straws won’t pile up, so there will be no “last straw” that ignites your own personal ka-boom.
5. Don’t lose sight of what you really want in the long run.
   If your immediate emotional reaction has even the slightest tinge of self-righteousness to it, dollars to donuts acting out on that reaction will move you further away from your people objectives. While you’re giving yourself time to react (see #1), review exactly what your end game is and whether your emotions are supporting that end game.

Hasty reactions are almost always the breeding ground for regrets. Handling those potential knee-jerk moments well speaks volumes about your maturity and leadership skills. What have you found works to help you gain perspective and maintain focus?

* Photo credit: istockphoto